la vida es como la espuma, por eso hay que darse como el mar

I had resigned myself to thinking that because the breadth of my experience with the opposite sex had been something so disenchanting and disparaging that all encounters would be like this.

Although there has yet to be any indication that this is untrue, I do now subscribe to the belief that a true counterpart does exist in this world, at least in terms of intellectual and spiritual attainment. I realized that my strategy of manipulation as a means of control was fatally flawed and misleading; because no matter my comportment, the individual would remain the same…it was just a matter of framing things in my favor despite the reality of the situation.

Perhaps it was more a mechanism to mask my vulnerabilities, making me more comfortable with being so exposed. This developed because I became accustomed to not being truly “seen” or listened to, and this was a point of deep sadness. In fact it remains one, and while I think to some extent a worthy man can rectify this, it will always be the eternal caveat of physical beauty. Even in instances where the man feels great intrigue and wishes nothing more than to learn everything about you, it is only ever spurred by how enamored he has become with the apparition before him. He failed before he began. And either way he would be selective in what he accepts, arranging your characteristics to complement the deity he has designed in your likeness.

But there exists a glimmer of optimism in my recognition of the above. I dismissed all the useless and ridiculous and ultimately illusory requirements, reducing them down to one: I desire a person that I feel respect for.

What this will manifest as, only time will tell.

the battle to live mindful awareness

I think the constraints placed on “daily life” on “living a normal life” mean we resign ourselves to setting an agenda, to being submissive to time

We set our goals for the future and from the point they are set until they actively come to fruition, we simulate a waiting period

Thus it is only in our mentally busy nature that we take this so called waiting period for granted, that we devalue it, even though the moment is no less worthy, just different

Seemingly routine because we make it so

It is dismaying to exist in this manner, to lose control of our conscious existence to some simulation

Even now, I employ a thesaurus, in an attempt to capture what it is my mind is trying to convey, as if a different amalgamation of letters would ever match or come close to matching the truth

Alas, am I forever doomed to inhabit a world of phraseology

Arab Spring

The so-called "Domino Effect" that I thought was a figment of the imagination of all political scientists has started to topple the most deeply entrenched regimes of the Middle East.

And while America (albeit somewhat hesitantly seeing as how we are chummy with some of these fellows) supported these mini-revolutions, I honestly do not care either way.

To me, the stagnant and oppressive states of these countries is owed only to a fatal flaw in their mentality, be it Arab, Persian, Kurdish, Berber and so on.

No matter the country or specific culture, the way they think is so collectively entrenched that their behavior, how they view themselves and the world and most importantly how they relate to other people will never change, no matter how many Egyptian youths show up at Tahrir square clammoring for revolution.

The spread of technology and Western culture did not make the area any more liberal or open, instead the actions they condem us for have become much easier to commit but driven much deeper into the shadows. Their streets are tense and oppressive, and none of that has to do with their head of state.

But Mubarak did become the focus of their pent-up anger, of a deep bitterness at the state of their lives and their inexistent prospects for the future.

I am no Mubarak expert but I am well aware of his human rights record, and had to simply meander around Cairo to see how much the Musr quality of life has suffered under his rule.

The high rate of unemployment is evident in the countless numbers of men lazing about and homeless wandering the streets.

The city's infrastructure is dilapidated and enormous heaps of trash in the middle of bustling avenues are commonplace.

Ousting him is the most logical action I have seen any Egyptian take, yet why did it take so long?

And what comes next?

love is all you need

It's been so so long.

What have I learned in the past year? What is my current state of mind?

I learned what love truly is.

Despite what our culture says, it's quite common, irrational and holds a desperate grip on ones emotions and judgement, completely distorting the thinking process.

Indeed brain scans of individuals in love have been shown to be similar to those of patients suffering from mental illness. Other studies have shown how those in love exhibit extreme behaviors and fixations like sufferers of obsessive compulsive disorder.

Thus, the core of who you are is so buried underneath all of this lunacy that living in this love becomes your only avenue for "happiness."

Yet I struggle to imagine any other means of safely and efficiently raising a family other than love and monogamy.

Perhaps procreation in the setting of love and marriage serves a deeper need in the human besides the continuation of their genes.

This person, living with you sharing your most intimate moments, and those which are most ugly to oneself, serving as a means of exposing things which you keep hidden from yourself.

They are a reflection of images you don’t accept are your own.

Perhaps this is where the breakdown in these linkages occur, when you are shown something that you refuse to accept or stubbornly wish to hold on to, in some odd way feeling that it is a part of you. Then you begin to shift blame, to project dark feelings onto this person, as the cause for their existence instead of the catalyst of their unearthing.

Of course baser needs are always at the root of such things, but maybe our brain, endlessly adaptable and always useful and efficient employs the same mechanism to fill our Darwinian needs and our spiritual needs- these occupy a very intricate place in our existence giving a sense of purpose to our actions, driving the search for meaning in our lives something that again could circle back to giving us enough stability to survive while raising offspring.