A line in one of my favorite Brand New songs goes: “Do you believe you’re missing out? That everything good is happening somewhere else?”
If you define “good” as: adventures under the sun and amongst the rich, beautiful, and terribly fashionable then to you that somewhere else is Miami.
I have a love/mildly love relationship with Miami.
Some days I love the atmosphere, the music, being topless on a beach.
And other days I feel so consumed by its superficiality. On those days I feel like this place and everyone in it is shallow, materialistic and pretentious. To some extent that’s true. But maybe those are the perils of living a life based on fun.
Other days I love walking to my car and being caught in a torrential downpour and laughing at the futility of trying to stay dry under a circle of vinyl. I will forever be a fan of the ocean. But the ocean is always lovely, except in New Jersey where it’s green and freezing sometimes. I could make the argument that the beach I went to in Rio trumps Ocean Drive, but it doesn’t really matter where you are as long as the sand is soft, the water is blue and the sun is warm.
Still, I do feel like I’m missing out; like i’m in an alternate universe that views self-awareness and knowledge as inferior to possessions and status. It rewards these external, shallow and ultimately temporary things, that when you really think about it, don’t matter in the long run. I’d rather die bursting with wisdom and experiences then with Dolce and Gabbana sunglasses and a great tan.
So in my opinion where is all the good stuff happening?
Everywhere.
New York City has an undeniable energy that engulfs you as soon as you step out onto those erratic street corners. Mexico is so marvelously varied. Ruins, slums, farms and mountains give way to lively cities with slick, (unnecessarily) grand architecture. The people are the essence of cool. I know I’m biased but it’s true. They’re always friendly and joke and laugh a lot even when they’re not drinking (which doesn’t tend to be very often).
Sidenote: Cancun and Cabo are not Mexico. These are the places tourists go to have their asses kissed and pretend they are getting some kind of cultural experience. I wish they cared that Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala have some of the most elaborate, breath-taking ruins. And there’s so many of them. It’s like mini Egypt all over the place down there. There are as many pyramids as there are churches in Europe. (Trust me I know, I must have seen every goddamn church in that bitch- and as many saint burial places as is humanly possible)
Aside from this Europe has its charms, even Paris (the French are actually really nice- I was not a fan of those damn Spaniards in Madrid however)
Everyone has been to a place where they know they will always feel a longing to return.
I tend to trust impulses, especially the ones for which there are no explanation whatsoever. I feel like such things are remnants from previous lives.
I know i'll return to Europe and South America
When I was there I felt there was definitely good stuff happening, but even so I think I’ll always hear this persistent annoyance clinging to my earlobe, telling me I’m missing out. Or maybe it’s just Jesse Lacey.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Thursday, June 28, 2007
When the going gets weird.....
Today I was considering career options and I decided everything I’ve thought about is unsuitable for a self-sufficient woman of my ambition. That, and I pretty much loathe the idea of working a set number of hours in the same location for eternity.
As of now I know I’ll be doing some combination of traveling around, taking pictures, writing and helping people.
Don't get it twisted homie. I don’t want to change the world. I like the world; it’s been good to me. The problem is, that there are a lot of people that don’t share that same sentiment. I want the world to be good to them.
This is where politics comes in.
Ever since I could remember psychics have told me I was destined to be something great.
I don’t think greatness is defined as endless loops of asking people for money and rewarding your voters with the occasional earmark.
In my campaigns class it was drilled into us that the only people that matter are registered voters. Therefore: young people, a large percentage of minorities, tons of immigrants (non-Hispanic included), Paris Hilton (maybe it’s a blessing she’s not a registered voter) and pretty much everyone who dismisses their individual vote as insignificant in the process do not matter to probably the only people that you actually should matter to.
So don’t give me that crap, I assure you that you are not merely a lowly cadet subordinate to the army of senior citizens running the show. (haha I just pictured an army of senior citizens) Still, a lot of you feel your voice is marginal to those of our wrinkly friends.
I digress. Back to my future, Mcfly.
I feel I would make a good senator (I’d make a good congresswoman too but they do not wield nearly as much power or prestige)
I have the perfect background for a rags to riches story- cement house, no daddy, rootless existence
I also have a past peppered with sordid details- which would not only make me intriguing but accessible
And perhaps my most marketable feature is I can be anything to anyone.
Adaptability if you will.
You can’t change states like you change your underwear and not pick up a few tricks to smooth over the assimilation process.
(I took on my 5th state last August)
But basically, I do a split-second evaluation of the individuals and the situation and subtly make modifications to my behavior and how I will be perceived.
If I practiced I bet I can become really proficient at working you over, and you won’t even know I’m doing it.
And for all of the above reasons, I do not want to be a politician.
It’s slightly sleazy.
I already feel like I’m in permanent identity crisis mode.
Imagine if I had to make an entire state fall in love with me- because unfortunately, it wouldn’t be a trust issue.
It never is about having faith that this person will keep his or her promises, or even keep you and your struggles in mind when they’re chillin’ on c-span.
It’s about likeability, marketing and slander.
So, yet another question unresolved, as I sit here, an unfulfilled prophecy.
As of now I know I’ll be doing some combination of traveling around, taking pictures, writing and helping people.
Don't get it twisted homie. I don’t want to change the world. I like the world; it’s been good to me. The problem is, that there are a lot of people that don’t share that same sentiment. I want the world to be good to them.
This is where politics comes in.
Ever since I could remember psychics have told me I was destined to be something great.
I don’t think greatness is defined as endless loops of asking people for money and rewarding your voters with the occasional earmark.
In my campaigns class it was drilled into us that the only people that matter are registered voters. Therefore: young people, a large percentage of minorities, tons of immigrants (non-Hispanic included), Paris Hilton (maybe it’s a blessing she’s not a registered voter) and pretty much everyone who dismisses their individual vote as insignificant in the process do not matter to probably the only people that you actually should matter to.
So don’t give me that crap, I assure you that you are not merely a lowly cadet subordinate to the army of senior citizens running the show. (haha I just pictured an army of senior citizens) Still, a lot of you feel your voice is marginal to those of our wrinkly friends.
I digress. Back to my future, Mcfly.
I feel I would make a good senator (I’d make a good congresswoman too but they do not wield nearly as much power or prestige)
I have the perfect background for a rags to riches story- cement house, no daddy, rootless existence
I also have a past peppered with sordid details- which would not only make me intriguing but accessible
And perhaps my most marketable feature is I can be anything to anyone.
Adaptability if you will.
You can’t change states like you change your underwear and not pick up a few tricks to smooth over the assimilation process.
(I took on my 5th state last August)
But basically, I do a split-second evaluation of the individuals and the situation and subtly make modifications to my behavior and how I will be perceived.
If I practiced I bet I can become really proficient at working you over, and you won’t even know I’m doing it.
And for all of the above reasons, I do not want to be a politician.
It’s slightly sleazy.
I already feel like I’m in permanent identity crisis mode.
Imagine if I had to make an entire state fall in love with me- because unfortunately, it wouldn’t be a trust issue.
It never is about having faith that this person will keep his or her promises, or even keep you and your struggles in mind when they’re chillin’ on c-span.
It’s about likeability, marketing and slander.
So, yet another question unresolved, as I sit here, an unfulfilled prophecy.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Before I get all political on you I was thinking today about how it seems to me, a lot of people that are at home wish the summer was over and they were back at college
considering this summer has been super relaxing, freeing and most of all insane, I don't really want school to start.
Yes, fun will ensue, but I want this to last just a little bit longer, which will also prolong "growing up" (an added bonus)
Anyway,
I've been having a really hard time trying to decide who should be our next president
All republicans are of course OUT (what the hell was that whole throwing a rock into a lake thing?)
John Edwards
-would be more of the same: (pre-bush) ineffectual, letting the country carry on, just business as usual
Bill Richardson
-I like him. He's got that white hot mexican blood flowing through his oh-so-huggable body,
but he is not very good at playing the game, which is probably a good thing. He's a good ambassador, and considering how much he mentions governing New Mexico i'd assume he's a good governor too. But I don't think that would make him a good president.
which brings us to the 2 candidates i'm torn between: Clinton and Obama
I'm not gonna lie, i'm really gay for Hillary. She has such a long, extensive record of actually helping people. It's not bullshit, she does. I don't doubt that if she was elected to office she'd do something for each and every one of us. I like her because she's real. She doesn't spout "i'm just one of you" rhetoric or try and divert from the fact that she's rich, well-known and holds a lot of power. But while she's up on that pedastal she observes the inequality, the unfairness, and the apathy, and climbs down to fight for those average folks
Barack Obama is such a well-rounded person. I believe him. I believe that he really does mean what he says. He has this ability of humanizing issues while still being very sharp. He breathes life into his words and he's sincere about it. And he's a welcome break from the tedium of politicians constantly shoving platforms down your throat. But what about "new politics?" Is he naive?
Either way he's the only candidate to say this in regard to immigrants:
"We have to recognize that we've got 12 million undocumented workers already here. Many of them living their lives alongside other Americans. Their kids are going to school. Many of the kids, in act, were born in this country and are citizens. And so, it's absolutely vital that we bring those families out of the shadows and that we give them the opportunity to travel a pathway to citizenship.
And this:
"I think all Americans think that we should be able to regulate who comes in and out of our country in an orderly way, not only for the sake of our sovereignty, but also to avoid the hundreds of people who have been dying across the desert, the enormous costs that are placed on border states and border towns."
damn, everytime I read that I want to do him....hard
I don't think people really understand that illegal immigrants aren't hopping over the fences and leisuring strolling around looking for a job to steal
they suffer trying to get here
i'll tell stories later but for now, I love Obama for acknowledging that
and for embracing the people that have made a life for themselves here
so therein lies the dilemna:
Hillary is a cold hard bitch with a heart of gold
Barack is a good guy with a heart of gold
She'd be damn good at bitch slappin people and getting things done....in the system we have now
she knows how to work it, and we'd all come out winning
He, however, wants to change the system
go back to the old school days when the guys running the country made people proud
the more and more I learn about politics and government, the more I feel like a rusty cog in a massive machine, trundling along, nowhere to go, not big or shiny enough to change direction
too insignificant to make a difference
And after all of this and i'm still torn,
so it's a good thing i'm not making this decision on my own .
Which in itself is also a little disparaging.
People focus too much on race and sex. In our, dare I say, sophisticated society these should never be issues when choosing a leader.
We've learned our lesson, and this time we're going to grade on competence.
Either way, I implore you to set all the "making history" stuff aside.
Let's just say his being black cancels out with her being a chick.
Still, you've probably all heard it: this country would rather see a female president than a black one.
Let's hope it doesn't come down to how many sexist men v. racists vote in this election.
considering this summer has been super relaxing, freeing and most of all insane, I don't really want school to start.
Yes, fun will ensue, but I want this to last just a little bit longer, which will also prolong "growing up" (an added bonus)
Anyway,
I've been having a really hard time trying to decide who should be our next president
All republicans are of course OUT (what the hell was that whole throwing a rock into a lake thing?)
John Edwards
-would be more of the same: (pre-bush) ineffectual, letting the country carry on, just business as usual
Bill Richardson
-I like him. He's got that white hot mexican blood flowing through his oh-so-huggable body,
but he is not very good at playing the game, which is probably a good thing. He's a good ambassador, and considering how much he mentions governing New Mexico i'd assume he's a good governor too. But I don't think that would make him a good president.
which brings us to the 2 candidates i'm torn between: Clinton and Obama
I'm not gonna lie, i'm really gay for Hillary. She has such a long, extensive record of actually helping people. It's not bullshit, she does. I don't doubt that if she was elected to office she'd do something for each and every one of us. I like her because she's real. She doesn't spout "i'm just one of you" rhetoric or try and divert from the fact that she's rich, well-known and holds a lot of power. But while she's up on that pedastal she observes the inequality, the unfairness, and the apathy, and climbs down to fight for those average folks
Barack Obama is such a well-rounded person. I believe him. I believe that he really does mean what he says. He has this ability of humanizing issues while still being very sharp. He breathes life into his words and he's sincere about it. And he's a welcome break from the tedium of politicians constantly shoving platforms down your throat. But what about "new politics?" Is he naive?
Either way he's the only candidate to say this in regard to immigrants:
"We have to recognize that we've got 12 million undocumented workers already here. Many of them living their lives alongside other Americans. Their kids are going to school. Many of the kids, in act, were born in this country and are citizens. And so, it's absolutely vital that we bring those families out of the shadows and that we give them the opportunity to travel a pathway to citizenship.
And this:
"I think all Americans think that we should be able to regulate who comes in and out of our country in an orderly way, not only for the sake of our sovereignty, but also to avoid the hundreds of people who have been dying across the desert, the enormous costs that are placed on border states and border towns."
damn, everytime I read that I want to do him....hard
I don't think people really understand that illegal immigrants aren't hopping over the fences and leisuring strolling around looking for a job to steal
they suffer trying to get here
i'll tell stories later but for now, I love Obama for acknowledging that
and for embracing the people that have made a life for themselves here
so therein lies the dilemna:
Hillary is a cold hard bitch with a heart of gold
Barack is a good guy with a heart of gold
She'd be damn good at bitch slappin people and getting things done....in the system we have now
she knows how to work it, and we'd all come out winning
He, however, wants to change the system
go back to the old school days when the guys running the country made people proud
the more and more I learn about politics and government, the more I feel like a rusty cog in a massive machine, trundling along, nowhere to go, not big or shiny enough to change direction
too insignificant to make a difference
And after all of this and i'm still torn,
so it's a good thing i'm not making this decision on my own .
Which in itself is also a little disparaging.
People focus too much on race and sex. In our, dare I say, sophisticated society these should never be issues when choosing a leader.
We've learned our lesson, and this time we're going to grade on competence.
Either way, I implore you to set all the "making history" stuff aside.
Let's just say his being black cancels out with her being a chick.
Still, you've probably all heard it: this country would rather see a female president than a black one.
Let's hope it doesn't come down to how many sexist men v. racists vote in this election.
Monday, June 18, 2007
the perils of pop culture
I defy you to flip through the so-called "news" channels and watch for 15 minutes without being barraged with dare I say: stupid details about anything having to do with Paris Hilton
Please anchormen and women do not continue to insult my intelligence with this nonsense
I fail to see how documenting every move Ms. Hilton makes whilst behind those fabulous bars contributes anyting to society as a whole.
Which brings me to my extreme distate for her and everything she stands for....which incidently isn't anything.
She's hot- but from what I hear from those who have seen the tape, she doesn't appear to be a good lay
She's rich- but doesn't use her wealth to pay for useful things, like a driver when her license is suspended
She's famous- but does not have the respect of anyone in the western hemisphere (i'm sure Asians love her, which doesn't say much, they also love anime and Gwen Stefani)
Either way, it is her god-given right to be as useless, selfish, and tasteless as she wants to be.
So who is to blame that she pervades our media?
We are America.
Don't look at me like that, it's true.
I read in a newspaper, when Nancy Pelosi became the first woman speaker of the house, that some shamefully small number of Americans knew who she was compared to the overwhelming percentage that knew who Paris was.
this was back when I read USA Today which explains the prescence of such a retarded poll
sidenote: if you read USA Today, although you are one step above the uniformed dribbling idiots roaming around the country, I regret to inform you that it is not a real newspaper.
I would personally recommend the Wall Street Journal- the damn thing takes a long ass time to get through because there's no pretty pictures and fun graphs, it's serious meat
But back to what I was saying:
I am ashamed to call myself a journalism minor.
What happened to the days of Woodward and Bernstein? Of New York Times v. Sullivan? Of the media serving as a government watchdog? Of the news actually broadcasting and printing NEWS?
But I guess this is what we care about.
Maybe Madonna was onto something by not letting her kids watch t.v.
Please anchormen and women do not continue to insult my intelligence with this nonsense
I fail to see how documenting every move Ms. Hilton makes whilst behind those fabulous bars contributes anyting to society as a whole.
Which brings me to my extreme distate for her and everything she stands for....which incidently isn't anything.
She's hot- but from what I hear from those who have seen the tape, she doesn't appear to be a good lay
She's rich- but doesn't use her wealth to pay for useful things, like a driver when her license is suspended
She's famous- but does not have the respect of anyone in the western hemisphere (i'm sure Asians love her, which doesn't say much, they also love anime and Gwen Stefani)
Either way, it is her god-given right to be as useless, selfish, and tasteless as she wants to be.
So who is to blame that she pervades our media?
We are America.
Don't look at me like that, it's true.
I read in a newspaper, when Nancy Pelosi became the first woman speaker of the house, that some shamefully small number of Americans knew who she was compared to the overwhelming percentage that knew who Paris was.
this was back when I read USA Today which explains the prescence of such a retarded poll
sidenote: if you read USA Today, although you are one step above the uniformed dribbling idiots roaming around the country, I regret to inform you that it is not a real newspaper.
I would personally recommend the Wall Street Journal- the damn thing takes a long ass time to get through because there's no pretty pictures and fun graphs, it's serious meat
But back to what I was saying:
I am ashamed to call myself a journalism minor.
What happened to the days of Woodward and Bernstein? Of New York Times v. Sullivan? Of the media serving as a government watchdog? Of the news actually broadcasting and printing NEWS?
But I guess this is what we care about.
Maybe Madonna was onto something by not letting her kids watch t.v.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
not quite ready for rehab
Partying is like drugs
After one night the apathy sets in
It’s paralyzing and addicting
You sprawl out, unproductive, unmotivated awaiting your next hit
elated because you know when you will receive it, but in a panic because you have nothing to wear
After one night the apathy sets in
It’s paralyzing and addicting
You sprawl out, unproductive, unmotivated awaiting your next hit
elated because you know when you will receive it, but in a panic because you have nothing to wear
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Solid Gold
Last night, while heavily inebriated, I visited a highly recommended gentlemen's club called Solid Gold. My filthy rich friend of a friend sponsored lap dances from whatever girl struck my fancy. In between bouts of getting groped and grinded on, I befriended my second dancer. For some reason we ended up in a private room, alone. Strange no?
I guess no one was curious about the possibilites that could arise in a private room with a drunk college girl and a stripper. Needless to say, we got to down to brass tacks....
We had a hard-hitting debate about life.
As hard-hitting as a drunk college girl and a stripper could get, at least.
Actually, you'd be suprised at the level of hard-hittingness. Yeah I can make up words if I want.
She advised me to be firm and just say no.
To sex of course.
(we didn't talk about drugs, most likely on the next visit.)
She also showed me how to convey strength using just a simple facial expression, and made me practice verbalizing a resolute "NO."
There we sat smoking parliaments and sharing war stories.
Then she told me her price: $1000
The going rate to enter a stripper with enough self-respect to just say no is one thousand clams.
Not really knowing what to do with this newly acquired information, I smiled and nodded, and filed it away in my "random tidbits that could prove potentially useful" drawer.
Upon awakening this morning, still quite far from sober, I attempted to appraise myself.
What is my price?
Of course many factors come into play when deciding how much money one should charge for fornicating with a stranger.
Appearance, personality, maybe style, level of creepyness, size of member, duration etc...
I have yet to arrive at a number or even a range.
Which shouldn't be a problem because if the opportunity to sell myself ever arose, I would make a strong facial expression and very resolutely: just say no.
I guess no one was curious about the possibilites that could arise in a private room with a drunk college girl and a stripper. Needless to say, we got to down to brass tacks....
We had a hard-hitting debate about life.
As hard-hitting as a drunk college girl and a stripper could get, at least.
Actually, you'd be suprised at the level of hard-hittingness. Yeah I can make up words if I want.
She advised me to be firm and just say no.
To sex of course.
(we didn't talk about drugs, most likely on the next visit.)
She also showed me how to convey strength using just a simple facial expression, and made me practice verbalizing a resolute "NO."
There we sat smoking parliaments and sharing war stories.
Then she told me her price: $1000
The going rate to enter a stripper with enough self-respect to just say no is one thousand clams.
Not really knowing what to do with this newly acquired information, I smiled and nodded, and filed it away in my "random tidbits that could prove potentially useful" drawer.
Upon awakening this morning, still quite far from sober, I attempted to appraise myself.
What is my price?
Of course many factors come into play when deciding how much money one should charge for fornicating with a stranger.
Appearance, personality, maybe style, level of creepyness, size of member, duration etc...
I have yet to arrive at a number or even a range.
Which shouldn't be a problem because if the opportunity to sell myself ever arose, I would make a strong facial expression and very resolutely: just say no.
Saturday, June 9, 2007
A strange and savage journey....
I keep staring at the little blue flame and the wavy shadows cast by the gas anticipating an explosion, or waiting to pass out from the fumes, or both; a blazing delirious death.
We should all hope to go out in such style
I’d probably be correct in assuming several Mexicans die each year from complications arising from unsafe heaters, most of which would have a blood alcohol content far exceeding the legal driving limit….if there were one.
Yet despite my paranoia, this tentative bomb is my best friend at the moment.
It’s never been this cold in Mexico, as far as I can remember at least.
Which at 20, isn’t very far, compared to dusty relics like Sylvester Stallone.
I like Rocky as much as the next guy but I also like my underdog boxing sagas sans liver spots.
I digress.
I’m in this land of floor to ceiling concrete, Marlboro reds, cheap goods, tactless thieves and lots of good ol’ fashioned debilitating alcoholism.
Despite the deplorable standard of living ignored by corrupt politicians; ah, our favorite cliché so expertly represented within even the lowest posts of Mexican government and society (I defy you to find a department store security guard with unlined pockets). And in spite of the self-celebrating upper tier of the “civilized” demographic, Mexico isn’t far behind the United States, in theory of course.
The minimum wage was raised to $4.50 in 2005, compared to that of the United States ($5.15), it seems reasonable.
But World Bank statistics for 2002 have indicated that one half of the population lives in poverty, while 1/5 lives in extreme poverty.
At the time the population of Mexico was 103.4 million. So, employing my math skills, which refused to improve pass the 9th grade level mind you, (Sidenote: math sucks) that means roughly 51.7 million people lived in poverty and 20 million lived in extreme poverty.
What do these fancy numbers mean?
It would be the same as if the entire state of California and all but a little smidgen of Florida were living in poverty, and all of New York State was ravaged with extreme poverty. But the words “poverty” and “extreme poverty” are open to interpretation.
Our “trusty” source for all things questionable, Wikipedia, defines extreme poverty as: “the most severe state of poverty, where people cannot meet basic needs for survival, such as food, water, clothing, shelter, sanitation, education and health care.”
By World Bank standards, that’s all of New York living on $1 or less, a day.
Those of you who understood my very intelligent discourse above should be disillusioned. Unfortunately, the strip of hotels in the American tourist hotbed of Cancun is most definitely not characteristic of the Mexican standard of living. It’s hard to believe those adorable little brown people happily bringing you your frozen margaritas and braiding your hair go home to dilapidated slums every night while your teenage daughters, contaminated with spring break fever, jiggle for every camera lens within a 2-mile radius.
It’s very easy, almost effortless in fact, to criticize and shake my head sitting here clinking away on my super advanced laptop capable of undertaking hundreds of operations and other kinds of tricks I have no idea about and will never use.
The cost of this fine piece of mechanical thingamabobbers could provide some lucky Mexican with a run-down volkswagen, or to the lucky man or woman residing in a city: transportation to and from thankless, exhausting, employment for a laughable salary.
My young, amiable, exceptionally bright nutritionist cousin sold herself to a very well-known, constantly busy office Monday through Saturday for the staggering price of $90 a week. In my chain restaurant days, I made double that serving fatties their cheese fries on a Friday night.
Or perhaps for the more daring that Volkswagen could also mean a ride to the border in hopes of scaling the fence and getting a taste of the greener grass everyone keeps raving about.
So, what is to be done?
For starters, if the Looney toon running the U.S. recognizes that perhaps there is a very palpable reason for why thousands of Mexicans are jumping ship, perhaps the American public should as well.
Forget the tired: “land of opportunity” crap. That might be the primary draw for those crafty Asians, but Hispanics are desperate, they have no time for enterprise. They want quick money and a school desk to plop their children behind.
As fabulous as the U.S. is, in all its democratic overindulgent glory, immigrants face exploitation and immediate, stinging prejudice, racism, bigotry and all other varieties of hate and ignorance.
And to all of you who take the “deport those sons of bitches” position stand behind the idea that these people are criminals for violating the law and should be ejected from the country. In essence, then, you’re telling me that if all 7 million of those illegal aliens entered the country legally you’d feel just dandy.
Don’t bullshit me. You, sir, are a closet-racist. Which in my opinion are slightly worse then the flat-out racists. At least they have the balls to stand up and openly declare they are douche bags and proud of it.
Just to prove it to you, I present you with this scenario: in December of 2006, as nifty Christmas (or Hanukkah if you will) present, amnesty is granted to the millions of undocumented immigrants currently in the U.S.
Yup, now they’re legal in every way shape and form.
Sit there and tell me that now you accept them.
“Ok, Jose, you’re welcome to join us for dinner now that you’re legal and all.”
I’m willing to bet heavily that you would resent these newly declared citizens and never deign to call them Americans.
Deep within the inner confines of your delusions, you are a racist and need to reevaluate what it is that you do stand for.
Anyway, I am not saying the United States is simply the lesser of two evils; we first must deal with the root of these problems with something more than hopeful, passive diplomacy (which has yet to be employed anyway), or squabbles about the height of a fence (which probably won’t keep them out anyway).
How quickly a nation fearing imminent destruction shipped out our G.I. Joe’s and Jane’s to the Middle East. It’s taken the in pouring of thousands of dirty immigrants to finally make us look down and realize there are shenanigans brewing south of the border. Mexico is within critical proximity to our way of life, and cannot stand to be ignored much longer.
Let us settle this first before looking abroad.
And while we’re at, Africa should be next in line.
Those dirty hippies do have a point: we rushed in to condemn Saddam for his merciless slaughtering, during episodes of mass genocide in other parts of the world.
We want to raise the standard of living for Iraqis and of course, bring them MTV while the bodies of dead children line the dirt paths of Ethiopia.
I am not denouncing Operation Iraqi freedom as any less of a noble cause, in theory of course (despite questionable justifications from the muppet in office, the Middle East is a fucked up place and was begging for an intervention). I doubt as many American lives would have to be sacrificed if we focused on other countries as extensively.
That still leaves us with: what is the precise course of action?
What is to be done?
Damned if I know.
But I do know that I won’t just simply leave this question to Congress and our next president. So I pose it to you.
We are Americans! Our economy, military, and pop culture- as ridiculous and shameful as it is, far surpass every other nation. We are ambitious, brave and completely lovable once you get to know us. At least one of you holds the answer.
Speak up and save us all.
And while you’re at it dream up a safer way for me to heat up this ice cube of a room.
We should all hope to go out in such style
I’d probably be correct in assuming several Mexicans die each year from complications arising from unsafe heaters, most of which would have a blood alcohol content far exceeding the legal driving limit….if there were one.
Yet despite my paranoia, this tentative bomb is my best friend at the moment.
It’s never been this cold in Mexico, as far as I can remember at least.
Which at 20, isn’t very far, compared to dusty relics like Sylvester Stallone.
I like Rocky as much as the next guy but I also like my underdog boxing sagas sans liver spots.
I digress.
I’m in this land of floor to ceiling concrete, Marlboro reds, cheap goods, tactless thieves and lots of good ol’ fashioned debilitating alcoholism.
Despite the deplorable standard of living ignored by corrupt politicians; ah, our favorite cliché so expertly represented within even the lowest posts of Mexican government and society (I defy you to find a department store security guard with unlined pockets). And in spite of the self-celebrating upper tier of the “civilized” demographic, Mexico isn’t far behind the United States, in theory of course.
The minimum wage was raised to $4.50 in 2005, compared to that of the United States ($5.15), it seems reasonable.
But World Bank statistics for 2002 have indicated that one half of the population lives in poverty, while 1/5 lives in extreme poverty.
At the time the population of Mexico was 103.4 million. So, employing my math skills, which refused to improve pass the 9th grade level mind you, (Sidenote: math sucks) that means roughly 51.7 million people lived in poverty and 20 million lived in extreme poverty.
What do these fancy numbers mean?
It would be the same as if the entire state of California and all but a little smidgen of Florida were living in poverty, and all of New York State was ravaged with extreme poverty. But the words “poverty” and “extreme poverty” are open to interpretation.
Our “trusty” source for all things questionable, Wikipedia, defines extreme poverty as: “the most severe state of poverty, where people cannot meet basic needs for survival, such as food, water, clothing, shelter, sanitation, education and health care.”
By World Bank standards, that’s all of New York living on $1 or less, a day.
Those of you who understood my very intelligent discourse above should be disillusioned. Unfortunately, the strip of hotels in the American tourist hotbed of Cancun is most definitely not characteristic of the Mexican standard of living. It’s hard to believe those adorable little brown people happily bringing you your frozen margaritas and braiding your hair go home to dilapidated slums every night while your teenage daughters, contaminated with spring break fever, jiggle for every camera lens within a 2-mile radius.
It’s very easy, almost effortless in fact, to criticize and shake my head sitting here clinking away on my super advanced laptop capable of undertaking hundreds of operations and other kinds of tricks I have no idea about and will never use.
The cost of this fine piece of mechanical thingamabobbers could provide some lucky Mexican with a run-down volkswagen, or to the lucky man or woman residing in a city: transportation to and from thankless, exhausting, employment for a laughable salary.
My young, amiable, exceptionally bright nutritionist cousin sold herself to a very well-known, constantly busy office Monday through Saturday for the staggering price of $90 a week. In my chain restaurant days, I made double that serving fatties their cheese fries on a Friday night.
Or perhaps for the more daring that Volkswagen could also mean a ride to the border in hopes of scaling the fence and getting a taste of the greener grass everyone keeps raving about.
So, what is to be done?
For starters, if the Looney toon running the U.S. recognizes that perhaps there is a very palpable reason for why thousands of Mexicans are jumping ship, perhaps the American public should as well.
Forget the tired: “land of opportunity” crap. That might be the primary draw for those crafty Asians, but Hispanics are desperate, they have no time for enterprise. They want quick money and a school desk to plop their children behind.
As fabulous as the U.S. is, in all its democratic overindulgent glory, immigrants face exploitation and immediate, stinging prejudice, racism, bigotry and all other varieties of hate and ignorance.
And to all of you who take the “deport those sons of bitches” position stand behind the idea that these people are criminals for violating the law and should be ejected from the country. In essence, then, you’re telling me that if all 7 million of those illegal aliens entered the country legally you’d feel just dandy.
Don’t bullshit me. You, sir, are a closet-racist. Which in my opinion are slightly worse then the flat-out racists. At least they have the balls to stand up and openly declare they are douche bags and proud of it.
Just to prove it to you, I present you with this scenario: in December of 2006, as nifty Christmas (or Hanukkah if you will) present, amnesty is granted to the millions of undocumented immigrants currently in the U.S.
Yup, now they’re legal in every way shape and form.
Sit there and tell me that now you accept them.
“Ok, Jose, you’re welcome to join us for dinner now that you’re legal and all.”
I’m willing to bet heavily that you would resent these newly declared citizens and never deign to call them Americans.
Deep within the inner confines of your delusions, you are a racist and need to reevaluate what it is that you do stand for.
Anyway, I am not saying the United States is simply the lesser of two evils; we first must deal with the root of these problems with something more than hopeful, passive diplomacy (which has yet to be employed anyway), or squabbles about the height of a fence (which probably won’t keep them out anyway).
How quickly a nation fearing imminent destruction shipped out our G.I. Joe’s and Jane’s to the Middle East. It’s taken the in pouring of thousands of dirty immigrants to finally make us look down and realize there are shenanigans brewing south of the border. Mexico is within critical proximity to our way of life, and cannot stand to be ignored much longer.
Let us settle this first before looking abroad.
And while we’re at, Africa should be next in line.
Those dirty hippies do have a point: we rushed in to condemn Saddam for his merciless slaughtering, during episodes of mass genocide in other parts of the world.
We want to raise the standard of living for Iraqis and of course, bring them MTV while the bodies of dead children line the dirt paths of Ethiopia.
I am not denouncing Operation Iraqi freedom as any less of a noble cause, in theory of course (despite questionable justifications from the muppet in office, the Middle East is a fucked up place and was begging for an intervention). I doubt as many American lives would have to be sacrificed if we focused on other countries as extensively.
That still leaves us with: what is the precise course of action?
What is to be done?
Damned if I know.
But I do know that I won’t just simply leave this question to Congress and our next president. So I pose it to you.
We are Americans! Our economy, military, and pop culture- as ridiculous and shameful as it is, far surpass every other nation. We are ambitious, brave and completely lovable once you get to know us. At least one of you holds the answer.
Speak up and save us all.
And while you’re at it dream up a safer way for me to heat up this ice cube of a room.
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