The assassination of Benazir Bhutto as imminent as it was, truly shocked me

Attempts began as soon as she returned to Pakistan, but to me these were more scare tactics then real failed plots to end her life
As contentious as the situation was (violence from extremists, martial law, protest, public unrest) she was an agent of hope for stability and change; a true woman of the people
Her demise would not only be completely senseless but for lack of a better word: counterproductive and actually this is the better word: stupid

Who knows how effective she could have been with all of these conflicting dynamics within the country, but to think that she wasn’t even given a chance is truly disheartening

It’s shocking most of all because as much as the threat loomed, I didn’t think it would happen
That Pakistan, Musharaff, Us, God, Allah whoever would allow it to occur, knowing full well the repercussions of it would undoubtedly be tumultuous

We definitely need to reevaluate what exactly we think we’re accomplishing in the “global war on terror”
Pakistan has been receiving buttloads of money that is not resulting in any semblance of counterterrorism, instead using it to bolster its military, weapons and other efforts aimed at sticking it to India

Maybe it’s the root of our patterns of thinking that we need to reevaluate
As Americans we need there to be a bad guy as much as we need there to be a good guy
And when that bad guy isn’t really bad (maybe just a president driven by a need for security)
or the good guy doesn’t prevail (but is instead shot at close range) it shatters our belief system

Even so, we don’t really want the bad guy to be truly evil
So it’s even more troubling to think that Musharaff, while not actively plotting or endorsing her elimination, would even allow a margin for the possibility to exist
Let alone have infiltrations within those assigned to guard her

The question of his complicity is hard to deal with
Either we have to come to terms with the raw, uncompromising (and often underground) manner in which power is asserted by leaders and states that we consider critical to our needs and goals
Or we have to face the fact that despite our best efforts, and those of countries who claim they’re aligned with our efforts, there are people out there who make nonsense out of political maneuvers, who don’t have any need let alone regard for hope or change or pluralism, who will undertake cold, hard attacks on anyone that is not espousing their toxic ideology; focused and insatiable in their desire to bring about their own version of what the world should be

Either way, our first step should be admitting we lost control (if we ever had it) over a world that lacks clarity, over nations of people that lack classification and identity and over ourselves and our actions that continue to grow increasingly counterintuitive and more often then not dangerous for us
Using this admission as the basis for new ways of thinking, of defining who truly is bad versus the spectrum of those within the gray area and completely throwing out any concept of “good” (as volatile environments sometimes require a departure from conventional “goodness”)

What is conventional goodness anyway?
Our nation has the audacity to define what is good while bearing a dark history
we've strayed from our own perceptions of right and wrong to serve questionable interests, and as difficult as it may be to accept, have been the cause of our own troubles

"I don't follow politics"

I mean it’s not quite the same as saying: I don’t follow basketball.
One is disproportionately much more important than the other (sorry Lebron)

But anyway, what is that you aren’t quite following?
Do you mean, you don’t care to follow the inner-workings of a system that:
-collects sums of your money as taxes
-determines the quality of your child’s education
And
-maintains the infrastructure you depend on everyday
-is currently employing your friends and loved ones

I can see how people don’t find “politics” interesting.
Of course it all depends what you mean by politics.
It departs from it's literal meaning and encompasses everything from international relations and foreign policy, to municipalities.
But to most people it’s a suit circus.
An endless cycle of well-coifed men (and the occasional hard-ass lady), detached from the common man’s reality, waxing poetic about tax-cuts and health care and troop withdrawals, in order to secure more time in their fancy posts.
These men are in the business of distribution.
Battling it out over who gets what.

But in the midst of all of this, opportunities present themselves.
And throughout most of the hub bub, that common man dealing with his own version of reality (the much harder one) can step in at any time and determine the direction all of this nonsense goes in. Easily replacing anyone he deems ineffective (as was evident the last midterm elections when we overwhelmingly booted out the old, elitist majority)

To me, that is the genius of all of this.
Because you live in an area, and make that area your home, you have the power to choose who will maintain or improve your life.
While you may move in the future, these people will come and go at your whim.

I feel for you, man.
I guess it’d be like someone asking you what you think of Singapore.
You’d be wildly impartial simply because you do not know anything whatsoever about Singapore.
And there’s nothing wrong with that.

But there is something wrong with not knowing anything whatsoever about the people, groups, and legislation that directly affect the present and future of the country you call home.

No one says you have to be a politics junkie, but a little information never hurts.

It sounds extremely smug but I know I am destined for greatness.

Unfortunately, I am in a constant state of feeling torn.
It’s almost like this dead end that I know is there, and that I have to reach but the question of how is unnerving; looming over my head like a guillotine.

I am uncertain of which path to take, hoping that it will work itself out, or at least reveal itself on its own, because every action I take implies catastrophic consequences.
And I never know if I’ve chosen correctly.

Everything has sailed smoothly thus far.
But I can’t escape the feeling that I am approaching a crossroads,
and some time, very soon, I will have to unveil some kind of strategy; formulate a plan of attack.

It’s exhausting work.
For most of my existence I’ve managed to ignore it and instead immerse myself in corporal pleasures, under the pretext that it makes me happy.

This is perhaps where all of this “party girl” business fits in.
It offends me to be called a “party girl.”
I do not consider myself, by any stretch of the imagination, a Lindsay Lohan clone.
While she has done some things which can universally be classified as “mistakes” I feel like my actions have never been missteps.
Instead, they are pieces of a larger scheme; lessons to prepare me for what is to come.
Everything that normal people would label regretful, I identify as tests: growth.

Which means that I am not a “party girl.”
I am simply an adventurer, picking up little strands of wisdom from varied experiences,
A truth-seeker, lover and warrior if you will.

Even so, I learned in Catholic school that a couple saints used to be quite the big party people themselves
But none of that matters, it even makes them a better saint to have reformed in such a manner
Because maybe when you reach the pinnacle of your existence; the climax of your journey, everything prior to that moment either becomes irrelevant or (hopefully not) of critical importance

If it even is a moment,
maybe the culmination of your life’s journey is a decade, or two
Or maybe it’s your death.

But either way, I know it is not occurring now or anytime soon.
So I feel like right now I’m scrambling to sort everything out, to reach that point

It’s quite stressful dealing with this unexplainable pressure (that has been there since I could remember)

At least Jesus had a sense of some defined course of action.
Granted he knew the time and manner in which his death would occur, but this afforded him the ability to plan accordingly.
Which I view as somewhat of a luxury.
I’d imagine having knowledge of one’s own demise would make everything much more clear,
every decision much more deliberate.

I feel solidarity with the guy, considering we were both born to satisfy a very specific purpose (albeit his is of slightly greater significance, considering he is the son of god and all) but the difference is he knew what his was.
He was briefed on every detail.
To some extent I would like to be as well.
But for now I will just take a page out of Harold and Kumar go to White Castle:
“The universe tends to unfold as it should”

This entry is about my newfound understanding of resentment towards the West.
The more I learn the more I analyze the ways in which we are brought up to think.
I can bet there is a large percentage of people out there who would say that Middle Eastern and Central Asian people hate us because of the preeminence of our consumerist-driven culture; in other words because of things like McDonalds. They more or less see us as substance-lacking heathens: no values or morals, no traditions, no respect, and most importantly no significant history. The U.S. really is a baby. There are sidewalks in Portugal older than this country. We are a big giant heathen baby running the world.

Now, the above partially explains why non-Westerners (and France) think we’re douche bags. But the West as a whole (which from this point on I am referring to the U.S. and Europe only) has played a part in the emergence of today’s conflicts. I’m not that far into the books I’m reading, but I can’t help but become a little annoyed at some facts. (To some extent, we all know that our country has done some shady shit, but it’s disheartening to read proof of it, right there in black and white)
It seems that for years and years and years the West has been making promises to less powerful and developed countries, and breaking them without so much as a second thought. The West (yes even fruitcake France) has occupied and divided up lands at whim. It has misled populations to achieve its own ends. People trusted the West to help or protect them, or at least live up to its end of the deal. But unless their plight somehow fit into the overall scheme, they were pushed aside and left to fend for themselves. And worst of all, the West continues to play its game of strategy. The West’s foreign policy is “what’s in it for me?” policy.
But times are a-changin
So as I’m sure you’ve all heard by now, today we are interdependent. Yet the “every man for himself” mentality hasn’t changed (or should I say, every state for itself).
The West is still spouting hopeful rhetoric and making hollow commitments.
No wonder people feel so betrayed. No wonder people are bitter. No wonder entire populations hate us, or at least dislike us intensely.
I guess the level of resentment depends on whether the West is showering the aggrieved with empty words or with bullets.

But I can understand how deeply rooted this hatred is. We dismiss it as a backlash against our superpower status; against our take-charge, recreation-loving, money-grubbing society.

It’s because of this that no matter how many buildings are bombed we will never see it as anything other than irrational aggression from some bearded freak.

I am not justifying terrorism in any way. But our overall perception is the basis for why we think we can stop terrorism with military force.
It’s much too complex, and frankly, rather puzzling.

I don’t think we’ll ever really be able to pinpoint why it is people want to kill us or how to stop them. Every human being has formed their own opinion of the West. We’d like to think those less partial to us are misguided, but maybe it’s we who are wearing rosy-colored pro-West sunglasses.

$

“Money makes the world go round”
Deep within my idealist little soul I dismissed this quote as absurd.
But it is true…somewhat.

Although money does not literally make the earth rotate, nor does it create a sense of fulfillment (I.E. Money can’t buy happiness),
it is an enabler.
A catalyst for many (if not all) things, that Americans have defined as “important.”

Possessions: such as snazzy shelter, a car that affords you transportation (In Miami these are usually Bentleys or some other horrendously expensive abomination) and other little luxuries.

I realized today that, no matter the circumstances one has to spend money to make money. Everything is an investment.
Graduate students are shelling out an inordinate about of cash to nurture careers which they hope (and most likely will) pay off in the future.
Even if you have a scholarship, someone is still footing the bill.
Because there is always, and will always be a bill

But what is it about money that makes it such a force?
When you really consider it, money is just a concept.
A term that awards value to a piece of paper, or to numbers on a bank slip.
If someone who was born in the Amazon and lived there their entire life (and would consequently have no understanding of money) was given a check for a million dollars What do you think they would do with it?
Probably go all MAN VS. WILD and use it to catch a fish. (That was totally a shameless plug because I looooove that show)
So basically what I’m trying to say is money’s true strength lies in:
Collective perception

It’s an abstract creation that is so vital because we agree to give it importance.

Back in the day, money had concrete standing in the world. A printed note was used in place of a gold bar which was used in place of a cow. I suppose this did make the system wildly convenient; cows and gold bars can get heavy after awhile.

But money as we know it today is simply nonsense.
It’s no longer backed in gold…or cows. What do the terms global economic market and exchange rate mean to you? Jack shit. Yet those ridiculous words define how the most important of decisions are made. It is because of this hierarchy of concepts that money permeates every aspect of society.

But money is truly useless in every sense of the word.
Because the things that do matter: knowledge, family, peace (and even not so happy things like sickness, war and death) have always existed
Even in times of debilitating economic recession, even in places that subsist on $1 a day
and even among those who have no understanding of what a dollar bill or a princess-cut diamond is
And will continue to exist.

So the movie Blow was right after all: money isn’t real.

Blow has some pretty good quotes in it.
The “sometimes your flush, sometimes your bust….life goes on” one sounds really clever, but as an optimist I hope when I’m old I don’t confuse sentiments like that with wisdom.

I leave you with what I think this is the better Blow quote:
Life passes most people by while they're making grand plans for it.

I was raised Catholic. I went to Catholic grammar, middle and high school. I was even named Catholic. (My first name and middle name are both places were the virgin mary appeared: Fatima, Portugal and Lourdes, France)

I was confirmed at 8, sang in the church choir and was a lector in school and at our spanish masses.

I can rehearse Psalm 23 verbatim in English and Spanish. I know almost every conventional prayer in both languages. I've been to Assisi, Padua, the Vatican and at least 8 more churches all over europe.

Still, the only one that moved me was the one in Fatima, and not just because it's my name (ha).

As a matter of fact, the one in Venice even filled me with rage. It contains a sinful amount of gold; most likely collected and constructed at the expense of its starving parishioners.



That church is one, of the many reasons for why I, despite living and breathing Catholicism for more than half of my life, no longer call myself Roman Catholic.



I think people attend mass for the consistency of it all. They need someone to implore and an outlet for relieving guilt (confession).

Still, real faith is awe-inspiring. I can still picture my fragile, adorable great-grandmother clutching her rosary.



What makes Catholicism any more valid than the beliefs of the Aztecs, Mayans, Native Americans, Ancient Egyptians, and Greeks?

Why are we entitled to scoff at their beliefs? Why does one deity make more sense than multiple ones?

Wasn’t it the ancient polytheists that gave us astronomy, architecture, physics, philosophy and the Olympics?

Humanity is blind. And until the apocalypse (if there is one), we will remain so.

This isn't necassarily a bad thing.



I think, that Catholicism was the most honest at its inception (which I suppose was when Peter became the first pope). Before it became this pseudo-empire that demanded conformity to its numerous and often arbitrary rules, which are entirely man-made. Councils, Popes and theologans throughout history were the ones that decided on stipulations, and interpretations of the bible (which was also written by men) which today is still fighting for spiritual supremacy.


I just feel that these people are trying too hard to overly simplify and explain something that is much to complex, convoluted and mysterious to ever be completely fathomed.

Even so, at least go with some kind of coherent explanation, because Genesis is a heaping pile of nonsense.

Also, where does Muhammad come into play?
What makes him any less of a prophet?
Catholics just so happened to accept that some dude from Nazareth spoke for God.
What if those same people had been in Mecca or Medina?


What if this triple O being (omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent) was trying to reach people in every corner of the world?
He chose Moses, Jesus, Muhammad and 3 children in Portugal and various other unsuspecting people to deliver his message.
But somewhere along the line the message was muted behind conflict.

What if we are all right?
What if we are all wrong?

Who you know fresher than HOV riddle me that

I go through phases of hating Jay-Z.
The last time the sound of his voice made me wretch was 4 years ago when he decided to desecrate Tupac’s potent ode to his automatic weapon and call it “03 Bonnie and Clyde”
As catchy as Beyonce singing: “If I was your girlfriend” is, the original, like all of 2pac’s work, had depth. Jay-Z managed to turn something dark and interesting into an asinine love song. It would be the film equivalent of making Glitter the sequel to Scarface.
Which in itself is unnecessary considering Al Pacino dies at the end….come to think of it, so does Tupac.
For this reason, I loathed the mere mention of Sean Carter.
My disgust only continued to escalate.
Even the Black Album couldn’t save him from his pathetic foray into the rock “mash-up” arena.
It’s one thing to have the option of turning off the radio whenever the Jay-Z/Linkin Park orgy came on, and quite another to go to a rock festival to see The Strokes (featuring bands like the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and the Beastie Boys mind you) and having to sit through 5 minutes of a surprise Jay-Z performance. Trust me, it was agony.

Despite all of this, I lied; the Black Album did save him.
The man is on point through every one of those tracks. Moment of Clarity, Threats and Justify My Thug are so effortlessly raw, and are on the same lyrical level as the always eloquent and philosophical Common. After all Jay does say: “truthfully I wanna rhyme like Common Sense.” While not as insightful, Dirt Off Your Shoulder, 99 Problems and Encore are admittedly pretty bad ass in the same realm as Takeover (in my opinion the pinnacle of bad ass rap) The last song, My First Song, is a masterpiece in its simplicity.
So I was back to loving him.
All through his retirement he continued with the same caliber of work: Dear Summer and his cameo on Go Crazy were classic.
But somewhere along the line, the boy lost his damn mind. If you are going to retire on such a strong album, you cannot come back with anything short of brilliance. But unfortunately for us, he did.
I liken it to Michael Jordan’s latest return. Just as he couldn’t save The Wizards from sucking, Jay-Z couldn’t deliver on Kingdom Come. (Beach Chair, Dig A Hole and the title track combined aren’t even on the same level as some of his worst stuff: i.e. Girl’s Best Friend)

To make matters worse, he continues to attach his sub-par raps to every mediocre Beyonce song within the last 3 years as well as randomly appearing on Rehab and annoying the world with Umbrella…ella…ella.

Something must be done.
His new bff Nas, Foxy Brown, Linkin Park, Damon Dash, and Kanye need to stage an intervention.
He must be stopped before he completely disgraces all of his previous work.
If not, my current phase of hating Jay-Z could be permanent.
But maybe it’s for the best.

Ignorance is not bliss

I’ve made a little discovery. Or actually a not so little discovery considering its impact on me.
At the risk of sounding like a fruit: I love learning.
I enjoy the college experience: meeting people, not remembering last night, taking naps, being reckless.
But, contrary to what my peers would say, this is not the reason why I love college.
The stereotypical “college experience” (dorm rooms, sporting events, keg stands) wouldn’t explain my undying love for community college or why I feel nostalgic for it to this day.
At Brookdale I had the freedom to pursue whatever I wanted. Photography, Italian, Creative Writing, Business, Art, anything inside that little booklet with the smiling ethnic students on the cover.
No pressure.
When I came to Miami I was immediately confined to a major and/or a minor.
It is this aspect of conventional universities that I dislike.
Still, I had the luxury of taking random courses like intro. to zoology. (sososo fun)

More and more people ask me what I want to do after graduation. I used to feel guilty and nervous for not having a rehearsed answer for such a critical question.
Of course there are plenty of things I want to do after graduation; travel, join the Peace Corps, write a novel, direct a film, speak Arabic, learn how to play guitar, and many other objectives making up a long, eclectic list.
But this is not what the question implies.
The questioner wants to hear a specific answer. Which usually involves a potential job title and a company.
This saddens me.
Things that make us happy are secondary to things that are defined by society. Things that we have conditioned ourselves to think are absolutely necessary. Why can’t happiness be necessary? Why does a pension plan and a mortgage matter more than exploring the inner confines of your desires?

I’ll most likely ramble on about all of that later but for now, back to education and college.

At no other point in your life can you dismiss everything else and dedicate all your time to the acquisition of knowledge under the pretext that “Hey, I’m a student.”
Yes, I concede that there are some very boring subjects out there (Algebra and Physics blecch). But there are people out there that love the constancy and uniformity of math and science.

Never again will you be such a receptive human sponge.

I think that’s part of the reason for why I am dreading graduation and entering the so-called “real world.”
Because this process comes to a screeching halt.
Yes you do acquire skills that will help you within your chosen line of work.
But your learning is extremely narrow.
Unless you’re seeking a PhD in everything you’ll have to leave behind 90% of what you find wildly interesting.

Most careers don’t leave room for hobbies. And most hobbies do not involve opening textbooks or having experts on the subject at your disposal.
I know in my case, swinging a racket or flicking a paintbrush won’t fill that void.

Maybe that is why it seems to me that ancient civilizations were so successful at creating lasting physical constructions as well as concepts. Their lives were devoted to observations and forming explanations for the world around them.
This is why it upsets me to hear some doofus on the Discovery Channel talking about how they must have been helped by aliens.
Why insult human ability so?

These people, just as we are now, were entirely capable of crafting architectural wonders and other unthinkable crazy shit we don't even know about.
We don’t truly realize our individual potential or even human potential as a whole.
We can be a force damnit.
We've gotten a taste of it through various movements in our history.

So why is it that now we leave it up to others to make our lives better, to spoon-feed us novelty and innovation, to create art, to interpret the world, to make discoveries and to tell us what to believe?

This is what I feel religion is. An untested concept.
That is all it can ever really be.
I don’t care if you’re the Pope or a descendant of Muhammad, you will never be able to prove to me or anyone that there is an entity called god. Or that this god created us and the universe, or that he/she/it has anything to do with human interaction or can control the environment.
Yet people rigidly adhere to these centuries old “guesses.” They battle over superiority and try to impose what they blindly accept onto others. Why does marriage have to be between a man and a woman? Aside from the physical barriers associated with reproduction, why do people think they have the supreme authority to declare it wrong for a man to want to be happy with another man?

I hope all of this becomes clear when I die.
But what if it doesn’t?
What if death is just a brick wall?
Your existence is over; you evaporate, no explanations, no second-chances, no rewards or punishments, no eternity.
Will it really matter then, when you are facing impending termination, who was right or wrong?

Still, even the study of religion can be fascinating; its origins and why some have more resonance or are more prominent (or forceful) than others.
This all ties back into my fruitcake statement before: “I love learning”

Maybe the world would be a better place if everyone was a little more nerdy.

I don’t think life has some kind of specific meaning. I feel like it’s kind of like trying to describe a color without using its name.
Despite this I think a driving force behind life is: drama
In all its forms,
We thrive on cacophony.

War is a struggle for power and dominance, also known as: drama

Books, movies and music aren’t interesting to us unless they contain some level of conflict, in most cases: the more the better.

Human interaction is marked by discord.
There is nothing more distressing than boredom and apathy.
“Smooth sailing” is stagnation.
We avoid these things at all cost by fabricating mini-struggles.
Do we truly wish to solve our problems?
Do we really want harmony? Are we worthy of it?

Maybe life is over once we learn how to live free of this need for drama.

Jesus Christ that's a pretty face, the kind you'd find on someone I could save

A line in one of my favorite Brand New songs goes: “Do you believe you’re missing out? That everything good is happening somewhere else?”
If you define “good” as: adventures under the sun and amongst the rich, beautiful, and terribly fashionable then to you that somewhere else is Miami.
I have a love/mildly love relationship with Miami.
Some days I love the atmosphere, the music, being topless on a beach.
And other days I feel so consumed by its superficiality. On those days I feel like this place and everyone in it is shallow, materialistic and pretentious. To some extent that’s true. But maybe those are the perils of living a life based on fun.

Other days I love walking to my car and being caught in a torrential downpour and laughing at the futility of trying to stay dry under a circle of vinyl. I will forever be a fan of the ocean. But the ocean is always lovely, except in New Jersey where it’s green and freezing sometimes. I could make the argument that the beach I went to in Rio trumps Ocean Drive, but it doesn’t really matter where you are as long as the sand is soft, the water is blue and the sun is warm.

Still, I do feel like I’m missing out; like i’m in an alternate universe that views self-awareness and knowledge as inferior to possessions and status. It rewards these external, shallow and ultimately temporary things, that when you really think about it, don’t matter in the long run. I’d rather die bursting with wisdom and experiences then with Dolce and Gabbana sunglasses and a great tan.

So in my opinion where is all the good stuff happening?
Everywhere.
New York City has an undeniable energy that engulfs you as soon as you step out onto those erratic street corners. Mexico is so marvelously varied. Ruins, slums, farms and mountains give way to lively cities with slick, (unnecessarily) grand architecture. The people are the essence of cool. I know I’m biased but it’s true. They’re always friendly and joke and laugh a lot even when they’re not drinking (which doesn’t tend to be very often).

Sidenote: Cancun and Cabo are not Mexico. These are the places tourists go to have their asses kissed and pretend they are getting some kind of cultural experience. I wish they cared that Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala have some of the most elaborate, breath-taking ruins. And there’s so many of them. It’s like mini Egypt all over the place down there. There are as many pyramids as there are churches in Europe. (Trust me I know, I must have seen every goddamn church in that bitch- and as many saint burial places as is humanly possible)

Aside from this Europe has its charms, even Paris (the French are actually really nice- I was not a fan of those damn Spaniards in Madrid however)
Everyone has been to a place where they know they will always feel a longing to return.
I tend to trust impulses, especially the ones for which there are no explanation whatsoever. I feel like such things are remnants from previous lives.
I know i'll return to Europe and South America
When I was there I felt there was definitely good stuff happening, but even so I think I’ll always hear this persistent annoyance clinging to my earlobe, telling me I’m missing out. Or maybe it’s just Jesse Lacey.

When the going gets weird.....

Today I was considering career options and I decided everything I’ve thought about is unsuitable for a self-sufficient woman of my ambition. That, and I pretty much loathe the idea of working a set number of hours in the same location for eternity.
As of now I know I’ll be doing some combination of traveling around, taking pictures, writing and helping people.
Don't get it twisted homie. I don’t want to change the world. I like the world; it’s been good to me. The problem is, that there are a lot of people that don’t share that same sentiment. I want the world to be good to them.

This is where politics comes in.
Ever since I could remember psychics have told me I was destined to be something great.
I don’t think greatness is defined as endless loops of asking people for money and rewarding your voters with the occasional earmark.
In my campaigns class it was drilled into us that the only people that matter are registered voters. Therefore: young people, a large percentage of minorities, tons of immigrants (non-Hispanic included), Paris Hilton (maybe it’s a blessing she’s not a registered voter) and pretty much everyone who dismisses their individual vote as insignificant in the process do not matter to probably the only people that you actually should matter to.
So don’t give me that crap, I assure you that you are not merely a lowly cadet subordinate to the army of senior citizens running the show. (haha I just pictured an army of senior citizens) Still, a lot of you feel your voice is marginal to those of our wrinkly friends.

I digress. Back to my future, Mcfly.
I feel I would make a good senator (I’d make a good congresswoman too but they do not wield nearly as much power or prestige)
I have the perfect background for a rags to riches story- cement house, no daddy, rootless existence
I also have a past peppered with sordid details- which would not only make me intriguing but accessible
And perhaps my most marketable feature is I can be anything to anyone.
Adaptability if you will.
You can’t change states like you change your underwear and not pick up a few tricks to smooth over the assimilation process.
(I took on my 5th state last August)
But basically, I do a split-second evaluation of the individuals and the situation and subtly make modifications to my behavior and how I will be perceived.
If I practiced I bet I can become really proficient at working you over, and you won’t even know I’m doing it.
And for all of the above reasons, I do not want to be a politician.

It’s slightly sleazy.
I already feel like I’m in permanent identity crisis mode.
Imagine if I had to make an entire state fall in love with me- because unfortunately, it wouldn’t be a trust issue.
It never is about having faith that this person will keep his or her promises, or even keep you and your struggles in mind when they’re chillin’ on c-span.
It’s about likeability, marketing and slander.

So, yet another question unresolved, as I sit here, an unfulfilled prophecy.

Before I get all political on you I was thinking today about how it seems to me, a lot of people that are at home wish the summer was over and they were back at college
considering this summer has been super relaxing, freeing and most of all insane, I don't really want school to start.
Yes, fun will ensue, but I want this to last just a little bit longer, which will also prolong "growing up" (an added bonus)

Anyway,
I've been having a really hard time trying to decide who should be our next president
All republicans are of course OUT (what the hell was that whole throwing a rock into a lake thing?)

John Edwards
-would be more of the same: (pre-bush) ineffectual, letting the country carry on, just business as usual
Bill Richardson
-I like him. He's got that white hot mexican blood flowing through his oh-so-huggable body,
but he is not very good at playing the game, which is probably a good thing. He's a good ambassador, and considering how much he mentions governing New Mexico i'd assume he's a good governor too. But I don't think that would make him a good president.

which brings us to the 2 candidates i'm torn between: Clinton and Obama

I'm not gonna lie, i'm really gay for Hillary. She has such a long, extensive record of actually helping people. It's not bullshit, she does. I don't doubt that if she was elected to office she'd do something for each and every one of us. I like her because she's real. She doesn't spout "i'm just one of you" rhetoric or try and divert from the fact that she's rich, well-known and holds a lot of power. But while she's up on that pedastal she observes the inequality, the unfairness, and the apathy, and climbs down to fight for those average folks

Barack Obama is such a well-rounded person. I believe him. I believe that he really does mean what he says. He has this ability of humanizing issues while still being very sharp. He breathes life into his words and he's sincere about it. And he's a welcome break from the tedium of politicians constantly shoving platforms down your throat. But what about "new politics?" Is he naive?
Either way he's the only candidate to say this in regard to immigrants:
"We have to recognize that we've got 12 million undocumented workers already here. Many of them living their lives alongside other Americans. Their kids are going to school. Many of the kids, in act, were born in this country and are citizens. And so, it's absolutely vital that we bring those families out of the shadows and that we give them the opportunity to travel a pathway to citizenship.

And this:
"I think all Americans think that we should be able to regulate who comes in and out of our country in an orderly way, not only for the sake of our sovereignty, but also to avoid the hundreds of people who have been dying across the desert, the enormous costs that are placed on border states and border towns."

damn, everytime I read that I want to do him....hard
I don't think people really understand that illegal immigrants aren't hopping over the fences and leisuring strolling around looking for a job to steal
they suffer trying to get here
i'll tell stories later but for now, I love Obama for acknowledging that
and for embracing the people that have made a life for themselves here

so therein lies the dilemna:

Hillary is a cold hard bitch with a heart of gold
Barack is a good guy with a heart of gold

She'd be damn good at bitch slappin people and getting things done....in the system we have now
she knows how to work it, and we'd all come out winning

He, however, wants to change the system
go back to the old school days when the guys running the country made people proud

the more and more I learn about politics and government, the more I feel like a rusty cog in a massive machine, trundling along, nowhere to go, not big or shiny enough to change direction
too insignificant to make a difference

And after all of this and i'm still torn,
so it's a good thing i'm not making this decision on my own .
Which in itself is also a little disparaging.
People focus too much on race and sex. In our, dare I say, sophisticated society these should never be issues when choosing a leader.
We've learned our lesson, and this time we're going to grade on competence.

Either way, I implore you to set all the "making history" stuff aside.
Let's just say his being black cancels out with her being a chick.

Still, you've probably all heard it: this country would rather see a female president than a black one.

Let's hope it doesn't come down to how many sexist men v. racists vote in this election.

the perils of pop culture

I defy you to flip through the so-called "news" channels and watch for 15 minutes without being barraged with dare I say: stupid details about anything having to do with Paris Hilton
Please anchormen and women do not continue to insult my intelligence with this nonsense
I fail to see how documenting every move Ms. Hilton makes whilst behind those fabulous bars contributes anyting to society as a whole.

Which brings me to my extreme distate for her and everything she stands for....which incidently isn't anything.
She's hot- but from what I hear from those who have seen the tape, she doesn't appear to be a good lay
She's rich- but doesn't use her wealth to pay for useful things, like a driver when her license is suspended
She's famous- but does not have the respect of anyone in the western hemisphere (i'm sure Asians love her, which doesn't say much, they also love anime and Gwen Stefani)

Either way, it is her god-given right to be as useless, selfish, and tasteless as she wants to be.
So who is to blame that she pervades our media?

We are America.
Don't look at me like that, it's true.

I read in a newspaper, when Nancy Pelosi became the first woman speaker of the house, that some shamefully small number of Americans knew who she was compared to the overwhelming percentage that knew who Paris was.

this was back when I read USA Today which explains the prescence of such a retarded poll
sidenote: if you read USA Today, although you are one step above the uniformed dribbling idiots roaming around the country, I regret to inform you that it is not a real newspaper.
I would personally recommend the Wall Street Journal- the damn thing takes a long ass time to get through because there's no pretty pictures and fun graphs, it's serious meat

But back to what I was saying:
I am ashamed to call myself a journalism minor.
What happened to the days of Woodward and Bernstein? Of New York Times v. Sullivan? Of the media serving as a government watchdog? Of the news actually broadcasting and printing NEWS?

But I guess this is what we care about.

Maybe Madonna was onto something by not letting her kids watch t.v.

not quite ready for rehab

Partying is like drugs
After one night the apathy sets in
It’s paralyzing and addicting

You sprawl out, unproductive, unmotivated awaiting your next hit
elated because you know when you will receive it, but in a panic because you have nothing to wear

Solid Gold

Last night, while heavily inebriated, I visited a highly recommended gentlemen's club called Solid Gold. My filthy rich friend of a friend sponsored lap dances from whatever girl struck my fancy. In between bouts of getting groped and grinded on, I befriended my second dancer. For some reason we ended up in a private room, alone. Strange no?
I guess no one was curious about the possibilites that could arise in a private room with a drunk college girl and a stripper. Needless to say, we got to down to brass tacks....

We had a hard-hitting debate about life.

As hard-hitting as a drunk college girl and a stripper could get, at least.
Actually, you'd be suprised at the level of hard-hittingness. Yeah I can make up words if I want.

She advised me to be firm and just say no.
To sex of course.
(we didn't talk about drugs, most likely on the next visit.)
She also showed me how to convey strength using just a simple facial expression, and made me practice verbalizing a resolute "NO."

There we sat smoking parliaments and sharing war stories.

Then she told me her price: $1000

The going rate to enter a stripper with enough self-respect to just say no is one thousand clams.

Not really knowing what to do with this newly acquired information, I smiled and nodded, and filed it away in my "random tidbits that could prove potentially useful" drawer.

Upon awakening this morning, still quite far from sober, I attempted to appraise myself.
What is my price?

Of course many factors come into play when deciding how much money one should charge for fornicating with a stranger.
Appearance, personality, maybe style, level of creepyness, size of member, duration etc...

I have yet to arrive at a number or even a range.
Which shouldn't be a problem because if the opportunity to sell myself ever arose, I would make a strong facial expression and very resolutely: just say no.

A strange and savage journey....

I keep staring at the little blue flame and the wavy shadows cast by the gas anticipating an explosion, or waiting to pass out from the fumes, or both; a blazing delirious death.
We should all hope to go out in such style

I’d probably be correct in assuming several Mexicans die each year from complications arising from unsafe heaters, most of which would have a blood alcohol content far exceeding the legal driving limit….if there were one.
Yet despite my paranoia, this tentative bomb is my best friend at the moment.
It’s never been this cold in Mexico, as far as I can remember at least.
Which at 20, isn’t very far, compared to dusty relics like Sylvester Stallone.
I like Rocky as much as the next guy but I also like my underdog boxing sagas sans liver spots.
I digress.
I’m in this land of floor to ceiling concrete, Marlboro reds, cheap goods, tactless thieves and lots of good ol’ fashioned debilitating alcoholism.
Despite the deplorable standard of living ignored by corrupt politicians; ah, our favorite cliché so expertly represented within even the lowest posts of Mexican government and society (I defy you to find a department store security guard with unlined pockets). And in spite of the self-celebrating upper tier of the “civilized” demographic, Mexico isn’t far behind the United States, in theory of course.
The minimum wage was raised to $4.50 in 2005, compared to that of the United States ($5.15), it seems reasonable.
But World Bank statistics for 2002 have indicated that one half of the population lives in poverty, while 1/5 lives in extreme poverty.
At the time the population of Mexico was 103.4 million. So, employing my math skills, which refused to improve pass the 9th grade level mind you, (Sidenote: math sucks) that means roughly 51.7 million people lived in poverty and 20 million lived in extreme poverty.
What do these fancy numbers mean?
It would be the same as if the entire state of California and all but a little smidgen of Florida were living in poverty, and all of New York State was ravaged with extreme poverty. But the words “poverty” and “extreme poverty” are open to interpretation.
Our “trusty” source for all things questionable, Wikipedia, defines extreme poverty as: “the most severe state of poverty, where people cannot meet basic needs for survival, such as food, water, clothing, shelter, sanitation, education and health care.”
By World Bank standards, that’s all of New York living on $1 or less, a day.

Those of you who understood my very intelligent discourse above should be disillusioned. Unfortunately, the strip of hotels in the American tourist hotbed of Cancun is most definitely not characteristic of the Mexican standard of living. It’s hard to believe those adorable little brown people happily bringing you your frozen margaritas and braiding your hair go home to dilapidated slums every night while your teenage daughters, contaminated with spring break fever, jiggle for every camera lens within a 2-mile radius.
It’s very easy, almost effortless in fact, to criticize and shake my head sitting here clinking away on my super advanced laptop capable of undertaking hundreds of operations and other kinds of tricks I have no idea about and will never use.

The cost of this fine piece of mechanical thingamabobbers could provide some lucky Mexican with a run-down volkswagen, or to the lucky man or woman residing in a city: transportation to and from thankless, exhausting, employment for a laughable salary.
My young, amiable, exceptionally bright nutritionist cousin sold herself to a very well-known, constantly busy office Monday through Saturday for the staggering price of $90 a week. In my chain restaurant days, I made double that serving fatties their cheese fries on a Friday night.
Or perhaps for the more daring that Volkswagen could also mean a ride to the border in hopes of scaling the fence and getting a taste of the greener grass everyone keeps raving about.

So, what is to be done?

For starters, if the Looney toon running the U.S. recognizes that perhaps there is a very palpable reason for why thousands of Mexicans are jumping ship, perhaps the American public should as well.
Forget the tired: “land of opportunity” crap. That might be the primary draw for those crafty Asians, but Hispanics are desperate, they have no time for enterprise. They want quick money and a school desk to plop their children behind.
As fabulous as the U.S. is, in all its democratic overindulgent glory, immigrants face exploitation and immediate, stinging prejudice, racism, bigotry and all other varieties of hate and ignorance.
And to all of you who take the “deport those sons of bitches” position stand behind the idea that these people are criminals for violating the law and should be ejected from the country. In essence, then, you’re telling me that if all 7 million of those illegal aliens entered the country legally you’d feel just dandy.
Don’t bullshit me. You, sir, are a closet-racist. Which in my opinion are slightly worse then the flat-out racists. At least they have the balls to stand up and openly declare they are douche bags and proud of it.
Just to prove it to you, I present you with this scenario: in December of 2006, as nifty Christmas (or Hanukkah if you will) present, amnesty is granted to the millions of undocumented immigrants currently in the U.S.
Yup, now they’re legal in every way shape and form.
Sit there and tell me that now you accept them.
“Ok, Jose, you’re welcome to join us for dinner now that you’re legal and all.”
I’m willing to bet heavily that you would resent these newly declared citizens and never deign to call them Americans.
Deep within the inner confines of your delusions, you are a racist and need to reevaluate what it is that you do stand for.

Anyway, I am not saying the United States is simply the lesser of two evils; we first must deal with the root of these problems with something more than hopeful, passive diplomacy (which has yet to be employed anyway), or squabbles about the height of a fence (which probably won’t keep them out anyway).
How quickly a nation fearing imminent destruction shipped out our G.I. Joe’s and Jane’s to the Middle East. It’s taken the in pouring of thousands of dirty immigrants to finally make us look down and realize there are shenanigans brewing south of the border. Mexico is within critical proximity to our way of life, and cannot stand to be ignored much longer.
Let us settle this first before looking abroad.
And while we’re at, Africa should be next in line.
Those dirty hippies do have a point: we rushed in to condemn Saddam for his merciless slaughtering, during episodes of mass genocide in other parts of the world.
We want to raise the standard of living for Iraqis and of course, bring them MTV while the bodies of dead children line the dirt paths of Ethiopia.
I am not denouncing Operation Iraqi freedom as any less of a noble cause, in theory of course (despite questionable justifications from the muppet in office, the Middle East is a fucked up place and was begging for an intervention). I doubt as many American lives would have to be sacrificed if we focused on other countries as extensively.

That still leaves us with: what is the precise course of action?
What is to be done?

Damned if I know.
But I do know that I won’t just simply leave this question to Congress and our next president. So I pose it to you.
We are Americans! Our economy, military, and pop culture- as ridiculous and shameful as it is, far surpass every other nation. We are ambitious, brave and completely lovable once you get to know us. At least one of you holds the answer.
Speak up and save us all.
And while you’re at it dream up a safer way for me to heat up this ice cube of a room.